It's strange... I've been wanting to cry all of last night & today... & I've only managed to shed a couple of tears (& I literally mean couple > two) because I've been thinking of how much the present reminds me of the past & other stuff which I spose I'll spill out all over this post. I was just wondering, does the best ever come to those who wait? those who are good... those of us who seem to get our heads around & realise what's really in front of us? I sure hope so, but I spose I have to wait and see like the rest of us huh.
I know my situation is up to me but please, please don't let me fall. If it's that other something you want from me, just leave. I don't want to have any part of it. Anymore.I feel as though life is just passing by all too quickly on us, & that almost scares me half to death. Each day I get to take the time out before I sleep to reflect on my day, some of you may do that too? It doesn't have to be some massive religion lesson going on in your head but you know.. think about what happened that day & such. Sometimes the reflection is good, others mainly bad. This year if it isn't anything else, I know I've learned to become a lot more stronger & learn more from the events in my life. By night however, I know that at the end of the day... I haven't tried half as much as I could have, especially with school lately & I know I'm the only person to blame, I cannot take it out on the people around me but I do ask them from time to time for some extra support, extra support meaning more support than they already give me because for the people who are a great deal in my life right now, you know who you are, youse should all know that by just being in my life I will always, always, always notice you. (I don't think that makes sense but oh well does to me :) If you know me well, you'd know I worry too much... always for the other person & not myself. I spose that's bad but I have learnt to try think of myself more because of my favourite older brother & sister Anthony & Mary! moooooving on :)
/sigh so many fucking distractions I can't even get across what I wanted to say anymore! I s
suppose I've gotten used to finding things to distract my mind & taking over the bad things /rolls eyes this sucks! Can't I even be properly upset anymore D:
I mean it's got to right? I don't want to blab on & on & be sympathetic. You know all of us are here for you... all eight of us & a million more! I hope you feel better soon because I'll do as you wish, not talk & just be there. I miss you.
It's rare but I still think of him from time to time, nothing sad, Just memories jogging back every now & then :) I told mum about this middle aged to old lovely man who used to always see us hanging out at the community centre down the road after school, I told her about how we were going to invite him to our wedding if we ever got married in the future haha. hey I wonder if he still read my blogs?
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Okay so It's 1:30 & I'm fair sure I started writing this post 3 hours ago, hah! my apologies.
so anyhow, I'm in such a better mood at the moment :) oh & I have decided that when I grow up... I'd really like to give my child a Cambodian name :D I don't care if that sounds silly haha but come ooooon! they have such lovely English spelt unique names! for example a boy I've met recently is named Chantanna :) how awesome is that name... haha (yes I do find small things quite interesting, I can be easily fascinated kay!) Chantanna is one of 6 so I was fair curious to know what his parents had named his siblings ^^ From oldest to newest comes, Chantra, Chantria, Chantanna, Vanita, Chantara & last but not least, little Jenita :) how precious are those names ><
Oh & beofre I go, a quick mention to Hien Lam :) freaken heart you dearly... thank you for being there for me since day one, I know our friendship has rough patches and... okay you know what? I won't even go into this haha. You know what's going down and all, just thanks :) thanks for the... before ♥
Goodnight & sweet dreams my beloved blog readers
last day of the school week! :D woop woop! anyone up for a party? ;)
xx
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