I wish this phase would just blow over.

I hate being alone. It's the one thing that scares me the most in this world.
It's getting pretty tiring trying to be happy all the time, perhaps if I stopped trying so hard it would just come to me. ...who cam I kidding? Am I really trying? I think I just need a job, (seeing as I still have no luck on figuring out what I want to do with my life) something to keep me busy and wear me out so I don't have all this time although it confuses me because I spent the last 2 years of my life wishing for this day to come where I'd finally get to be away from everything and get to just be me and stress free...now I'm starting to wonder if I really need the opposite.

"I'm just having an allergic reaction to the universe"

Marissa Cooper.

It seems like she spends almost every night at the beach by the life guard stand. I wish I could do the same.

Need more of these.

Talking on the phone to my best friend and laughing about how funny it is to press thee mute button over and over while saying each others name.

The weekend.

My weekend was pretty eventful and I even managed to type down most of the events which occurred but you know when you write too much it obviously takes time and my emotions just kinda ran out....so what's the point in me writing out my feelings when I'm not feeling them anymore. I was so angry, hurt and just annoyed at some people around me. I let it get too far and I'm starting to try get back to not giving a shit about them. Last time I forced myself not to care which only led me to being hurt and fighting with someone I love to get the anger and tears out but now that it's all out, (I hope) I can really move on and not care. Everyone has said all they can say (not that it was relevant or their business to in the first place) and now they are 'over it' or still 'trying' to get over it. There is nothing I can do so I might aswell have nothing to do with them. They are worthless and a waste of my time. Too bad the two people I love most in my life are involved with them.

This isn't a blog of what I do, It's a blog of how I am feeling. A place to let it out. Today is a Tuesday and it's almost over so I have 3 more days to get through before I hit the weekend again :)

All I'll be doing is watching Jersey shore and re runs of the OC. I have an appointment on Thursday but other than that...nothing. I hope my mum wants to go out tomorrow or something. Infact I hope she gets home soon so I don't have to be alone much longer and we can just have dinner and rest.