You're my miracle

MARY IS HERE! ^__________^!!!

omg yayayayaya! Just got home from town (: seriously gonna have a night life for this long weekend hah! gah drop dead happy (: been happy all day too ^_____^ oh & art lessons are the greatest of all greats with Tiffany Orm (: i heart her dearly. its good to know we've finally gotten closer this year.
so anyways, Mary and Raya are downnstairs with mum having dinner or something... see how dedicated i am?! come all the way upstairs to blog :L okay. maybe thats just sad? /shrugs. i love you blog (L)
I still cant beleive how i broke down last night... but its okay! more than okay actualy. im friggen great! (:
urgh. they want me for dinner.

Hope everyone has an awesome long weekend! Happy birthday to the queen. & keep smiling no matter how things seem to be! (:

love you beloved blog reader
xx

I wanted to post this entry last night but then i would have posted 3 entries in one day :L
WARNING: it is a bit depressing&weird?

Everything just kinda hit me. well, not really, because i already know what has happened and i was happy for once...
But I just but into tears last night. I cried the night it happened, but i left with a smile. Ive been going through everyday with a smile on my face & i swear its not fake. okay. so what if i broke down once or twice. that's normal, its what we all do.
but last night was different. It just came out. and i let whatever needed to come out. come out. i sat down with my diary and took the opportunity to read through the bits and pieces that i had wrote since the start or March this year, mind you it was quite a lot.
Reading back on it all. i realized how i still kept so positive about all the bad situations. that just made things worse. It was good to see how strong i was able to think... but it was sad to know it all went to waste.
Trying so hard. Trying to mend things, make them okay...
I really believed everything was going to be okay.
Did i lie to myself?

why was i so strong after it all?
how come i didn't break down until now...
i was able to keep a smile on my face for so long.
i didn't push away any feelings. id let it out if it wanted to.
but i didn't even need to! because i was honestly happy.
but why now?
why did it just come out... out of no where.
i thought i was okay... i hope im okay

I really need a change of scenery. fresh people.
I wish i had someone to cry to everytime i needed it. I'm on a hunt for someone! hah
someone who will honestly really be there... not saying i don't have anyone now.
but.. maybe someone new? someone fresh &&& fun!
i need more fun&laughter, because I'm happy! i just need someone new to be happy with (:
oh & a thank you to Hien Lam for sending me that adorable song ^_____^
Sen No Yoru Wo Koete - Aqua Timez
makes me happy for some reason hah. even though its Japanese, i dont understand it, and the lyrics are for a sad song ><>

goodbye strange feeling...
please dont come back. kay?
please.
xx